Difficult People, Episode 306 "Bernie & Blythe"
Released by Hulu: August 29, 2017
**This recap contains spoilers so read at your own peril. Your best bet is to watch the episode first, then come back here.*
The fine folks at OpenTable are looking for Julie and Billy
to be “bubbly and perky on various topics” for their New Year’s Eve show, just
like Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin on CNN’s New Year’s Eve show.
At Julie and Arthur’s, he comes home from Florida, suitcase
in tow. It was a “swampy hellscape out of a dystopic crime novel.” Speaking
from personal experience, I 100% agree with Arthur.
Arthur wants to know if the pizza he asked her to order when
he landed is on its way.
She says he didn’t ask her to order a pizza. They decide not
The bro-boy dog walker, Dave, brings the dogs home, high-fives Arthur
on his way out.
On the street, Hot Toddy (John Cho) wants Billy to come with him to… the three most dreaded words in the English
language: “a work thing.” Billy’s never gone to a work thing with a guy before.
At the café, Nate tells Billy and Matthew that he and Denise are
going to a parenting retreat in Scarsdale, “so our baby grows up knowing
nothing practical, but is pressured to succeed.”
In his place, Matthew is named
Matthew recounts to Nate how he just watched Undercover Boss because he mistakenly
thought it was about bossy bottoms. He announces he’s “a top” more than once.
Which no one believes.
Nate asks him to please not dress in a disguise to try to
make the business better while he’s gone. Clearly, that’s exactly what Matthew
is going to do.
At Veronica’s (Lucy Liu) office, Marilyn gets some notes on
Veronica suggests they swap Chapters 2 and 3. Marilyn does not
take this well at all, “Great idea, Dr. Mengele, if you don’t want the book to
make any f*cking sense.”
Marilyn pulls a copy of The
Joy of Sex off the shelf next to her, flips to a page depicting a woman
receiving oral sex and claims that it’s her. “Bulls*it,” Veronica declares.
But after looking closer, she realizes it IS Marilyn.
At the café, Billy tells Julie he really doesn’t want to go
to Hot Toddy’s work thing. But he’s going to.
Julie tells him she and Arthur
have only been having “get it out of the way sex” because they’re just trying
to avoid fighting.
Matthew comes in, dressed as an old woman, and introduces
himself as “the new employee here,” Marionette.
Billy tells Marionette that Denise said, “You have to cover
my shift.” Since he’s undercover-bossing, he has to agree.
On the street, Julie walks Greg and Jellybeans when suddenly a group
of jersey-wearing college-aged boys race up to her, “Back off, Brock Turners!” she yells at them.
One of them tells her they just wanted “a photo of Football
and Touchdown,” because they’re the “two coolest Instagram dog celebrities in
the sports world.” She has no idea what he’s talking about.
Side note: Football_n_Touchdown is a real Instagram handle and, as of publication, has exactly 1 follower: @NachoMother (aka ME).
When one of the Brock’s tries to high-five Julie, she
pepper-sprays his hand. “That piece of sh*t dog walker. He must’ve rebranded my
pets without my consent.”
In one of my favorite line of this season thus far, the
lead Brock wonders aloud, “Consent? There’s that word again, dude. Like, why do
chicks keep using that?” Indeed, Brock-bro. Indeed.
At his work thing, Hot Toddy and Billy arrive at the
restaurant (I use that word loosely) called Boobies, standing in for Hooters. Billy
tells Hot Toddy, “I’m in every way uncomfortable.”
At home, Julie rants about the dog walker rebranding the
She finds some books Arthur brought home from work, “We’re
doing a 38-part Nova on the effects
of planetary alignment on human sexuality.” She responds, “Kudos to PBS for
making sex boring.”
He tells her there’s a suggestion on role-play that seems
interesting. “It’s just improv naked,” she tells him.
Julie talks to the dogs and uses a Katherine Hepburn-esque
voice for their imagined response.
Arthur’s low-grade cold causes him to cough and make his
voice sound distorted. She tells him, “With that cold, you sound like Bernie
Sanders.” He tells her, “Your Jellybeans voice sounds like Blythe Danner.” She
disagrees, “I was hoping it was a bit more Kate Hepburn.”
At Boobies, Billy wants to know why “all these waitresses
are walking around with their tits out like Helen Mirren?”
The get-together is
Karen’s retirement party, and they’re at Boobies, because this is "her favorite restaurant,"
though it clearly is not.
One of Hot Toddy’s co-workers, David? or Bruce? (doesn't matter much because he's a douche-bro) mistakenly
thinks Billy is Sam, Hot Toddy’s ex who apparently ruined the office Christmas
Douche-bro's wife (Jamie Gertz) joins them, only introducing
herself as “David’s wife,” and never asking Billy his name. She’s content to
just call him “Todd’s boyfriend.”
She drags him over to meet “the other wives.”
And that’s what happens, he meets “Lance’s wife,” and “Andrew’s
wife” and “Adam’s boyfriend.” Billy addresses the boyfriend, “Lyle,
right? We met.” Lyle corrects him – “Adam’s boyfriend’s fine.” Très Stepford.
When he gets up to leave, one of the wives tells him it’s
better if he stay there, so as not to “Sam this up.” David’s wife explains that
Sam “didn’t really know his place.”
At Julie’s apartment, Billy tells her how the work thing
went and how he now feels pressure to be a supportive spouse. “I’ve been
miscast,” he worries.
In a discussion about where rich Instagram-famous pet owners
live, they wonder where Oprah lives, and then this happened:
Julie and Billy break out into the song “Easy Street” from Annie. WITH CHOREOGRAPHY TO BOOT.
wanted Billy to sing more after last week, and my wish has come true. THIS IS
GIVING ME LIFE. It’s over way too soon.
Billy shows up at Hot Toddy’s office with a “hot-wing
chicken casserole.” Billy wants Julie’s Insta-famous dogs to be in ads. Douche-bro recognizes them as Touchdown and Football. If Billy can “make them more than
internet-famous,” Douche-bro can get them into some ads, which will make a lot of
At Marilyn’s, she shows Julie the image of her in The Joy of Sex, horrifying her entirely.
“I just miss the free spirit I was before your birth stopped
it dead in its tracks.” She explains that Dusty was her cohort in the book’s illustrations. “I
wonder where he is,” she muses.
At home, Julie recounts to Billy on the phone how there’s a
show on ESPN about sports that’s on after the sports where people talk about
sports, “like Watch What Happens Live
for straight people.”
Arthur wants to know what they’re going to do for his last
night in town. Julie puts on her “Blythe” voice again and Arthur puts on his
“Bernie” voice and they begin arguing. They decide to retire Bernie and Blythe
and to go back to the way things were.
Nate returns to the café, which is a disaster zone. Marionette greets him and asks, “How many are in your party?
Marionette goes into a long, convoluted backstory, prompting
Nate to declare, “From now on, we’re just gonna close the café instead of
leaving you in charge.”
Billy’s back at another Hot Toddy work thing at Boobies. “I
can’t believe Karen killed herself,” he says to the other work wives. “Happy
The work wives and boyfriends recount what they believe are
amazing ad campaigns written by their significant others which are ALL sexist
and highly offensive. Billy can’t take it anymore.
“Todd, If I have to spend
one more second at the f*cking wifey table, I’m gonna lose my mind. It’s like
gay Get Out.”
Hot Toddy chases Billy down the street. They argue because
Billy thinks Hot Toddy wants him to the play the role of supportive boyfriend.
But Hot Toddy insists that isn’t what he wants from Billy at all, “I like you
for the asshole you are.” They kiss and
Marilyn meets up with Dusty (John Torturro) to reminisce
about the good old days.
He’s still a free spirit. He gets his mail at a juice bar
and has no phone. She asks him if he ever misses their “wild, crazy youth.” He
doesn’t, because he’s “unburdened.”
He wants to crash at her place if it snows. “Get a job,” she
tells him. I kind of wanted this scene to go on and on, to be honest. Sigh, cut down
in its prime.
Julie and Billy are about to go on ESPN to plug her dogs.
Billy literally drags the dogs out of the green room onto the set.
The hosts of
the show make chit-chat with Billy on set while Julie is in the ladies’ room.
Julie’s wearing a hot mic, obviously doesn’t know it, and mutters to herself in
“Of course I hate sports. I hate them all. We both do. Oh,
those stupid hosts, Rape Rapely and She Was Asking For It Jones. God, I wish I
could kill them all.” She burps profusely, “Ugh, and the burping.”
The hosts kick Billy and the dogs off the set because of
Julie. She’s not that surprised, “You wanna do wings at Boobies?” and that is
exactly what they decide to do.
The bro-boy dog walker, Dave, brings the dogs home, high-fives Arthur on his way out.
In his place, Matthew is named manager.
Julie tells him she and Arthur have only been having “get it out of the way sex” because they’re just trying to avoid fighting.
The get-together is Karen’s retirement party, and they’re at Boobies, because this is "her favorite restaurant," though it clearly is not.
She drags him over to meet “the other wives.”
I wanted Billy to sing more after last week, and my wish has come true. THIS IS GIVING ME LIFE. It’s over way too soon.
Awesome nicknames Arthur calls Julie in this episode:
Throwaway jokes I loved:
- Billy re: new Wes Anderson movie: I heard that a tumbleweed just
blows past a frame full of Lego people in a shoe box for three hours.
- Hot Toddy re: Karen retiring: It’s not her choice. She
turned 40. That’s the mandatory retirement age for women in advertising.
- Billy: If any internet celebrity can get a TV show that
easily, Miranda Sings would have her own series on Netflix.
Did I leave anything out? Let me know. Until next week....
Speaking of next week, per Hulu, here's what we can look forward to in Episode 307, "Fuzz Buddies":
Lifelong dreams come true when Julie gets hired to write on a TV show, Micky Dolenz answers Billy’s childhood fan letter, and Marilyn throws herself a Bat Mitzvah.
*All photos courtesy of Hulu, unless otherwise noted.